Kota Ibushi vs Lance
Archer
Lance Archer is what I would probably will myself into being
if I were a professional wrestler. He has taken his EVERYBODY DIES aesthetic to
the place where anything he was before is disintegrated by the power of his
American Psycho speed freak persona, which is a powerful thing, and it sucks
sometimes because it’s too powerful and you end up burning, running naked
through the cornfields or playgrounds and people are revolted by you but what
they are really revolted by is that they can’t contain you, can’t own you.
Lance Archer is not safe, not even close, and everything he does feels real and
true and everybody dies, even Archer, slain by a bared knee, but you have really
got to be willing to do what needs to be done just to run with him, then to
hunt him, and then to kill him. Kota Ibushi is a sick man and would dismember
Lance Archer if that’s what it takes, but Archer is a free spirit, burning
through these woods and I doubt he gives a fuck who lives and who dies, so long
as in the end, everyone eventually does.
Will Ospreay vs Bad
Luck Fale
Ospreay still has too many goofy mannerisms for me, but I
recognize that I am not the majority voice here. This match was what it always was
going to be, everyone played their parts right, Pieter’s ass was basically
naked, or maybe that was earlier in the show, I don’t know, but fuck it, it’s
all the same to me. Everyone had a good time, and Red Shoes got to fuck with
Fale, which is always fun. It is good that a man of high morals is out there to
make sure these shenanigans don’t get too cute, but you have to let Pieter
express herself, she is an artist and I don’t care what the rules are Red
Shoes, art needs to be appreciated.
Evil vs Zack Sabre
Jr.
ZSJ kinda feels like last year’s toy and now it’s old news
and somebody should probably at least make sure he won’t end up getting sold to
some Saudi investors or whatever. Evil just powering out of his nimby little
holds, shaming him and leaving him a quivering nerd, a disappointment to old
man Suzuki, who has a wild Archer and an insolent Taichi to make him proud
while the soft English boy gets his little tricks shit on, is a harsh reminder
that little Zack is still just an upjumped scarecrow. This is a hard world, and
just because someone said you had a nice dick doesn’t mean that you can just
assume that you’re good to go from here on out. There will always be harder
dicks, bigger dicks, better dicks, and so you can’t just get lazy because you
got some compliments. You have to figure out how to make that dick work for
you, to work for her or him or whoever the fuck you are sticking it into. A
nice penis isn’t anything if you don’t get those hips moving. That’s what ZSJ
needs to think about right now.
Hiroshi Tanahashi vs
Sanada
As much as I would like to see Sanada take a step forward, I
also have to admit that it’s nice to see Ace go like this still while he can. I
don’t have a lot to say about this match, other than it was wholesome and good,
as you would expect from Tanahashi, and while he’s still who he is, I suppose
Sanada is right to allow him this instead of spitting acid in his face and
transforming himself into the uber Muta, but that is something he will need to
make a move on before the candle goes out on him and he just ends up being a hollow
man like everyone else.
Kazuchika Okada vs
KENTA
Shit, man, I am a KENTA dude. I think that is because I identify
with him being a dude who made some poor choices and is now forced to fight his
way back into the party. Is he the legend that everyone made him out to be? No,
but none of us are. At least not the picture perfect version of it. KENTA is a
broken dude, and he is leaning into the hate, and I admire that. He isn’t what
he was back in the day, but that dude isn’t real. That’s just a memory, an idea
of what the past was, idealized. What he is, though, is a dude who will lean
into the hate, into the shitty takes and kick harder and fuck everyone else man.
Okada is the perfect warrior, in his prime, unquestioned
king, and a dude like KENTA had to be put down because there can be no whispers
about who the real master is. That’s the way the world works. It’s harsh and
cruel, but we are harsh and cruel. You have to just smile at the king and let
him be the king and all that means, but it doesn’t mean that you need to give
yourself away, you just have to look for a better way to make yourself known. Now
I’m not saying that has to be kicking Okada’s head in while your boys duct tape
his boys, but I’m not *not* saying that either.
Look, I like Okada. He is The Man. But I feel for a dude
like KENTA. I understand a dude like KENTA. I am KENTA just like I’m Lance
Archer and why are you clicking away in disgust? KENTA will never win this
game, but that’s okay, neither will I. He is still going to kick people really
hard and slap them with such insolent violence and so will I because fuck your kingdom,
man. I’m just here for the drugs and the women, and when they both run out KENTA
and I will go to the fire and people will say that we were failures, but that’s
okay because people are shit, and we’ll just burn because that’s what we did
when we were alive.
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