KENTA vs BAD LUCK
FALE
Poor KENTA can’t catch a break. The fans hate him for selling
his ass out to Vince and Co., and now he can’t even get over on Fale because
the Bullet Club is out there fucking him over. At some point, he’s just gonna
break and kick everyone in the face and rampage around arenas kicking and
slapping people, or he’s gonna break and fall apart because his body betrays
him and it’s all so fucking sad. The indignity of being worked over by Chase
Owens and the gang is just one more brick in the wall for poor KENTA, and I don’t
know how he comes back from this, alone in a sea of hate, shunned by everyone
except Shibata who exists on the other side of the world training young lions,
and who will stand up for KENTA? WHO?
Fale is as Fale does, which is to say that he walrused his
way out there and abused a stoic Asian and made a good payday for his boys, and
you can’t fault him for being who he is, or for running with degenerates who
will stick to him like barnacles because at some point even a walrus needs
friends to help him out against humanity. I don’t like that Fale won, but the
big man has to eat and I don’t begrudge him his meal.
Zack Sabre Jr. vs
Lance Archer
That slippery fuck ZSJ stole one from Archer here, which is
a crime against beauty and a crime against the natural order of things as
Archer deserved to win here. Everybody dies, ZSJ, and that includes you, you
spindly piece of shit. But life isn’t fair and spindly pieces of shit often
come out victorious over spirit warriors like Lance Archer and all we can do is
bellow at the inanity of it all and beat on the young lions hanging around the
ring.
My hope is that one day Lance Archer can publicly humiliate
ZSJ while Minoru Suzuki looks on approvingly. Sure, ZSJ is his protégé, but the
boy must learn humility, and what better teacher could there be than Lance
Archer? I want to see him squeeze the life out of that little fuck and toss him
around like so much corn stalks during harvesting season, and I want to see ZSJ
whimper and whine and beg for mercy that does not come, and I want him to be
strung up on a crucifix and dragged around town by Archer while ladies laugh at
him and children spit on his bird chest. I want all this to happen, and I want
it to happen soon.
Will Ospreay vs Evil
Evil is my boy, both the wrestler and the concept, and so I
take great pleasure in him beating up on the bleating ass of Will Ospreay, who
remains a dolt despite his efforts to better himself. I mean, this is still a
dude who once tweeted me a gif of a dude throwing money everywhere because I
dared to criticize him. I don’t know if he still vanity searches, but he
definitely still needs to be humbled and Evil is the man for the job.
Evil is probably never gonna be The Guy, but that doesn’t
really matter when you are a brick shithouse with killers eyes, and I take
great pleasure in him getting what he does get out there. I understand Evil on
a soul level and I will always be here for him hurting dudes who need to be
hurt. Everything is Evil and so am I.
Hiroshi Tanahashi vs
Kota Ibushi
Ibushi finally slays one of his gods and then collapses in
tears, and hey, who among us, amirite? This was always coming, and good for
Tana to be willing to let it happen. Of course the match was excellent. You don’t
need me to tell you that. It is all about the Real Emotions here for Yung Kota,
who is sick in the head for sure, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to
find love in the death of his fathers. It is a twisted sort of passion, but I
can respect it. He will die for professional wrestling one day, the same way
Misawa did, and everyone will look back and say we should have made him stop,
but that is all carelord bullshit because he is a grown man willingly giving
himself to this fucked up thing.
Tana is still the old warhorse, and he won’t let go nor should
he even as he is killed by Kota Ibushi, because this is his professional wrestling,
this is his kingdom, this is his world that the Ibushis can give themselves to,
and he can make them or break them as he wills it. That is what Tana has
earned. That is what makes him the Ace of the Universe and the Ace of our
hearts.
One day, Tana won’t be able to go at this level and that day
is probably sooner than any of us want, but it’s heartening to know that his
kingdom will still be populated by crazy fanatics like Ibushi who are willing
to sacrifice it all on his altar of wrestle-love. This is not the end for Tana,
nor was this a passing of the torch really, but a vote of confidence that his
house will be well cared for when he is dead and gone and all that is left is
dudes killing themselves for professional wrestling.
Kazuchika Okada vs
Sanada
Sanada finally does it, and it was beautiful. I found myself
getting all worked up for Sanada’s cause here and did one of those embarrassing
fist pumps when he pulled it off. That is just a testament to the beauty and
power of professional wrestling.
Okada had to play a specific role here, and like always, he
is able to slide back and forth between the hero and the cocky villain who
needs to be overcome. He gets that, and he is willing to play to it and he
should be commended for it.
Of course, the pro wrestling between these two was sublime,
full of drama and false finishes until finally, Sanada hit that Muta moonsault
and pinned Okada for the first time. That is a big deal for Sanada, who will
now surely get a title shot after all this is over, and between he and Evil,
things are looking good in the world of LIJ. I would like to see both stand
with Naito as equals instead of as sidekicks, and I think that would be good
for everybody.
Okada doesn’t lose face here because Sanada winning just
lifts everyone’s ships, you know? It doesn’t make sense to just shit all over
your challengers, and Okada will take his defeat gracefully knowing that he has
helped make Sanada. It is how you do the pro wrestling correctly, and it is why
the G1 is just so much fucking fun. Everything matters, everything counts, and
everything leads to something else. It was a good G1 day, an important G1 day really,
and my god I am just in love with the good professional wrestling.
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