Day six of the G1 is underway as I remain an unworthy drunken fool, but it is perhaps better than the high as fuck fool I have presented you always. In any respect, I am determined to see through this G1 of our heart and our souls before it becomes too late for any of you to care. So, with all that said, let’s G1!!!!
Sanada vs Yoshi-Yashi
B Block action of the G1 gets underway in Day 6 and somehow Yoshi-Hashi has become more interesting than his stablemate Okada. Perhaps it is due to his underdog status or maybe it is due to the sheer fieriness of it all, who is to say? All I know is that I made roughly six or seven typos in that last bit but such is my own drunken descent into madness which is sill better than my drug induced typos. By the way, I just made three or four more, but we press on. Just made four more lol I am fucked up.
Anyway, yeah, somehow Yoshi-Hashi has proven more compelling than even Okada and it is with Great Joy that we celebrate his win over Sanada here. It is the sort of thing worthy of a dude with the underdog fire of Yoshi-Hashi, who remains a loveable loser and yet he gets the Korakuen faithful behind him as he strives to put away the hapless Sanada, who remains mired in a winless funk after Evil’s disgusting betrayal.
It’s easy to see how this becomes a storyline for Sanada, but all of that is overshadowed by Yoshi-Hashi bringing the Fire in a way unmatched by anyone else in this tournament and it is only right and good that he finally earns a win to show for it all. I have decided I love the idiot, which is somewhat remarkable given his loser status over the years. And yet here we are, with Yoshi-Hashi beating Sanada after hanging tough against Evil, and his surprising Fire remain a surprise and a testament to his latent ability, which has been buried through the years by his sheer seeming ineptitude.
But it is all on display here, and it somehow doesn’t feel out of place that he beats Sanada, such is the fiery renaissance of Yoshi-Hashi, even if it did take me five tries to spell “renaissance” correctly in my drunken state. It certainly means a lot given his own stablemate’s struggles in Okada, and Yoshi-Hashi being More Interesting and also deserving of the win remains shocking and also heartwarming in its own This Is Pro Wrestling way.
Sanada, on the other hand, remains lost following Evil’s despicable betrayal, and falling to 0-3 in this G1 it becomes clear that he is still a man in search of an identity beyond being the number two or three guy in LIJ. He is already less than Shingo, which has to sting, and yet he cannot betray his brothers like that shithead Evil even if betrayal did mean Evil’s improbable march to the top. And so Sanada remains loyal to Naito and also perhaps a hapless victim to his own sad loyalty as one would suspect a Gedo or Dick Togo or even Jado would be enough to get him a win or two he would otherwise not deserve, and yet he remains the aloof and perhaps the put-upon Sanada of old, and even Yoshi-Hashi can put him away. It is a dark fate, albeit honorable, but that is the tragic nature of Life in poetic form.
In any event, this was a decent enough match, Sanada’s listless Skull-End no match for Yoshi-Hashi’s surprising fire, and so we press on in this G1, each match a revelation, perhaps depressingly enough to Sanada who falls to 0-3 against Yoshi-Hashi of all people, but then again, Yoshi-Hashi’s own loyalty to The Right Way of Doing Things and also his babyface fire are themselves revelatory and self-justifying and now he has a signature win to back it all up and it is all Pro Wrestling at its finest.
Zack Sabre, Jr. vs KENTA
It is perhaps interesting that at one time WWE was able to roll with KENTA, ZSJ, Kota Ibushi and Shinzuke Nakamura under their proverbial umbrella and yet both Ibushi and SZJ told them to fuck off while KENTA devolved into an injury plagued nightmare while Nakamura cashed paychecks in spite of the soul crushing ennui of it all. But what’s important is that Fate has contrived to bring JSZ and KENTA into conflict here in the G1 in New Japan Pro Wrestling instead of the soulless ring of WWE.
KENTA in particular is a man who fairs better having escaped the brutal soul washing of WWE, and despite his many, many injuries, he hits a Go To Sleep on ZSJ for the win and reminds everyone that he was the originator of the move CM Punk’s soulless degeneracy aside. KENTA is still KENTA despite his many, many injuries and also his soul crushing excursion with WWE.
ZSJ, meanwhile, is in much the same boat, albeit one that never sank quite like KENTA’s. He had his WWE moment in the Cruiserweight Classic and still said No Thanks to the 205 Live of it all, and has since prospered in New Japan. It was a bold choice on his end, and yet has largely paid off.
I say this all as a dude who has largely shit-talked ZSJ over the years. But I think I am coming around to him despite myself, which may be pure resignation as much as anything, but does it really matter? I mean, I find myself appreciating ZSJ more than I ever thought, sorry Kendall, and think he has managed to apply himself on a New Japan level more than on a lazy and False American/British level. Fuck 205 Live, this dude is competing for G1 and thus New Japan Glory.
And yet, KENTA is more than ZSJ, at least on this day, and you’re reminded that his own WWE/NXT failures aside, he remains a spiritual giant in Japanese wrestling. Sure, he might not be near as compelling as one would hope, especially on the Grandest Japanese Wrestling stage of them all, but he is still KENTA and very few people can match up against that, and he drops ZSJ with a Go To Sleep because he was the originator of the move and because he can. Fuck the Bullet Club of it all, which has seen him relegated to third most important member of his own stable, he is KENTA and ZSJ is not, and fuck WWE, he is still the dude who set NOAH on fire, broken but still capable of dropping fools when the need calls for it. ZSJ remains such a fool despite his efforts and thus the hierarchy of New Japan asshole remain firmly in place. Never fuck with KENTA. That is the lesson here, long may it be taught.
Juice Robinson vs Hiroshi Tanahashi
I am writing these as I watch them which is different for me as I usually watch the entire show and then write about it, but in these times of drunken excess, it is necessary maybe for me to do it this way before I forget what the fuck just happened. Perhaps you shake your head in disgust at me, but I am used to that, having lost several friends to my drug induced antics, and this is already far too dark so let’s just move on.
Juice, of course, remains utterly ridiculous, and yet a man capable of working the crowd like few can although the Korakuen faithful don’t quite go along with him here for some reason which is perhaps shocking because it’s fucking Korakuen and they would probably cheer Roman Reigns given the chance. But maybe it is because Juice is fighting Tanahashi and the People are not about to pick Juice over Tana despite his lovable ass, which again is attired in Blues Brothers fashion, one Joliet fool to another.
It is a match, but not exactly a five star classic, just two fan favorites looking to steal one against one another, which is a step-up for Juice who is 2-0 coming into this and a step down for Tana who is 0-2, but such are the vagaries of fate and age. Tana gets the win off of kind of a cheap flash pin which again is kind of beneath him maybe but a win is a win especially in the G1, and especially in a match in which Tana literally showed ass.
Juice as the dude who controlled the match for the most part against Hiroshi fucking Tanahashi shows how far he’s come and he was *this* close to making it 3-0 in this year’s G1 and it’s obvious he will be an important figure going forward in New Japan’s Westward expansion, the antithesis of Will Ospreay in many ways, beloved and interesting even with his clownish behavior. But said clownishness is adopted by the crowd for the most part regardless of what town they’re in, Juice’s inner fire never exactly concealed and even enhanced maybe by his clown like tendencies, which are more Dusty Rhodes than a Toru Yano.
But Tanahashi had to win here. 0-3 was unthinkable and so he gets the win while Juice stews in his own, uh, juices and also regret. It was not maybe the most exciting of matches and yet the Stakes made it compelling, especially given that Juice was an unlikely 2-0 given his rather shitty G1 history and the Ace was 0-2, having lost to Toru Yano of all people in what was maybe a dark chapter of his life. But he makes up for it here by stealing a win and Juice is left to wonder what might have been had he surged to 6 points, which he almost managed to do, hitting the left hand of god and everything. And yet, Tana is the one raising his hand and celebrating in relief having earned his first 2 points and such is the drama of the G1.
EVIL vs Toru Yano
This was always going to come down to who could hit who in the dick and although they both managed to do it, Yano emerges the Dick Master after hitting both Evil and Dick Togo in the dick. For Evil it is a humiliation that perhaps makes him question his recent Poor Choices, and yet he has a title win out of it all so maybe not. Dick Togo remains a False Gedo, which is a shitty career turn for a dude who was once much more, but hey what the fuck, at least he is getting paid, right?
Yano, of course, remains a dude who you do not want to fuck with on his level. Try to match his insanity and get punched in the dick and lose, it is just the way it is. Evil learns a crucial lesson and yet remains a dude who will probably figure into the Final Result here in Block B, especially if he can dick punch Naito yet again. But this is not the way to get there, at least not against Yano, who remains a chimera, indecipherable by Man, capable of using his many heads to defeat anyone and everyone and thus he is at 6 points with an entire tournament to go and imagine a G1 won by Yano lol.
His poetic nature looms large, especially against Evil who cannot hope to match it and is thus perhaps shown to be False, a desperate man clinging to a Poor Choice, but it did get him double gold so who is to criticize him for it? It is perhaps telling – it was perhaps always telling – that he was given Dick Togo instead of Gedo himself, but Dick Togo is also a figure who looms larger than Gedo in a historical sense, so who is to say? But you cannot deny that Gedo is the Gold Standard when it comes to heel accomplices and so Evil suffers in the exchange, much like KENTA, who does not even get an Ersatz Gedo to help him cheat his way through.
But this is as much about Yano as it is Evil, one dude using every trick he has to get to 6 while one falls an unfortunate victim, playing a game that is perhaps beyond him, which is saying something since he is named EVIL of all things and also because he has made dick punching his Thing, but you punch dicks against Toru Yano at your own peril, and like Tanahashi before him, Evil is left to learn that you don’t play Yano’s game and expect to come out victorious. It is an insane world, that of Toru Yano, and yet perhaps it is the only world that makes sense in the pandemic madness of 2020. 6 points is 6 points and even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, Yano has already dragged this G1 into his own insane world, and such is the power of poesy, bless his crazy ass.
Hirooki Goto vs Tetsuya Naito
Poor Goto has a fucked-up shoulder which makes this tournament, years past his former glory, all the more painful in both a physical and spiritual sense. I mean, it’s been more than a decade for his G1 glory and even his New Japan Cup dominance is 8 years in the rearview window. He needs this, as much for his own sense of self as the tangible meaning of it all.
But Naito is The Champ and Goto isn’t, and a pair of Destinos spell the end in desultory fashion for Goto who is left to ponder what is to become and also his own sense of self. It is a dark time for him and yet he is not a complete spiritual wreck as he hangs with Naito and makes a match out of it. Still, it is not so much an OMG MATCH as EH A MATCH which is perhaps more damning or maybe a condemnation of Naito more than Goto.
Is that fair? I don’t know. All I know is that this G1 has been largely underwhelming so far and while that may simply be an effect of the G1 being so goddamn great year to year more than dudes shitting the bed, maybe there has been some bed shitting, I don’t know.
Naito is the Champ, though, and of course he was always gonna win this one, but you would hope for more from the Champ, right? It is a win, though, and he remains the man to beat in the B Block, which is perhaps not the best block and yet the A Block is disappointing a bit too. I feel like a cruel hater, but fuck, it’s time to speak truth to power. This was okay, but little more than that and given it was the main event, Naito is the champ and Goto has a long history of being Champ adjacent, it was disappointing. Sadly, the A Block is doing little better as Okada flails away uselessly and Jay White gets maybe a little too lazy, but at least that block still has Ishii and Kota Ibushi getting crazy. The B Block needs Naito to deliver and when he doesn’t the result is this, an okayish match topping an okayish card in front of a Korakuen crowd that wants to go apeshit but can’t and even if it could probably wouldn’t.
This is all perhaps a cruel condemnation of a block which lacks firepower beyond Naito, but Naito has never exactly been the Monster Five Star monster people want him to be. He is always reliant on his opponent to force him to Great Heights but Goto is not the dude for that, at least not this year and it perhaps becomes time to wonder if Goto can ever be that dude again. But for Naito, it is a somewhat lackluster win, and yet a win nonetheless and he awaits yet another showdown with Evil, which hopefully will fire him up and this entire insipid block, which is most definitely the junior block next to the A Block, and maybe that is intentional but goddamn dudes and lady dudes, it would be nice if it that wasn’t so fucking obvious.
But the Future remains and we will just have to see if these dudes, the entire collection of them, can pull through and make something beautiful and memorable. Even the A Block aside from the Ishii and Ibushi of it all is suffering this year and it is perhaps strange given that year after year the G1 has somehow surpassed its past glories, but I guess Time is always a bitch and this was always destined for a fall, especially given the Covid of it all. Disappointment is never a thing one expects from New Japan and yet these dudes are only human and there is still plenty of G1 to go, so let’s not get too crazy and cruel here. But the trend is Not Good and it is hard to press on to be honest, but what else are we gonna do? Watch WWE? Don’t be fucking ridiculous. This is still the G1 and this is still New Japan Pro Wrestling and so we will have Faith.
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